One Born Every Minute liveblog 30/1/2013

HATE January. It has gone on for 54 years. Hasn’t it? Every time I look at the calendar and think ‘It must be nearly March’ I see it’s still BLOODY JANUARY and we have the whole of February to navigate our way through first. Gah. I hate January.

Anyway, we’re up to Episode 5 in this fourth series of One Born and tonight’s episode features the return of an old face and lots of sadness before – hopefully – lots of plinky plonky birth music and happiness. Please let there be happy birth music and healthy babies or I’ll Hulk-out and run down my road screaming WHEN WILL THIS INFERNAL, MISERABLE MONTH END???

I really don’t want to do that.

21.00 Tonight’s course reading done – this week we’ve been asked to dip our toe into the murky waters of popular psychology and I’m reading How the Mind Works by Steven Pinker – and I’m ready for some childbirth action in HD. Booyeah.

21.02 For a millisecond, when the midwife places the twins in the cot in the title sequence, I want more babies. Then I remember that they become argumentative and shouty when they stop being babies and I come to my senses.

21.07 She went on a bear hunt. Presumably, to catch a big one. I hope it was a beautiful day and that she wasn’t scared.

21.08 Bedfordshire is the land that time forgot, not Alaska. Easy mistake to make.

21.09 OH MY GOD SOME MOTHERS ARE VERY OVER-INVOLVED AREN’T THEY? I would actually kill in that situation. I mean, my Mum and Dad are great and all but by god, you need some distance and perspective on your relationship. Otherwise it’s weird. I’d be like GET OUT MY FACE, PEOPLE. I’M GIVING BIRTH HERE.

21.11 Oooh, Mother goes a bit passo-aggo about being told to leave. *makes screechy knife noises* I’m feeling stifled and I’m 200 miles away.

21.16 Although the daughter isn’t helping by encouraging it.

21.17 OH GOD DON’T WE ALL LOVE A JOKER IN THE DELIVERY SUITE? People like him are great to be in an office with.

21.19 Oh he’s quite lovely really.

(I don’t comment on other people’s tragedies. Not appropriate. Not my place)

21.32 (I really like this guy, he’s so sweet and kind and like puzzle books)

21.32 Flowers every week? WHAT? I DON’T GET FLOWERS EVERY WEEK. I DEMAND A REFUND.

21.36 OH GOD SHE’S BACK. RETURN OF THE MOTHER.

21.38 Just BACK OFF woman. Jesus Christ.

21.40 Manipulative mothers. Urgh. This is going to end up in counselling, recriminations, no contact and lots of bad feeling on all sides.

21.46 Sometimes I feel sad that I won’t have another little girl. Now is one of those times. 😦

21.57 God, I think I might slightly love him. He’s brilliant.

21.59 Oh, Ava. I love the name Ava. I love a happy ending and she is so beautiful. I’m FINE. HONESTLY. FINE.

22.01 That was the first episode this series that made me wobbly-eyed. Plus, girls. I love baby girls. I mean, boys are great but little baby girls are gorgeous, until they’re five and telling you that you’re old and forget things and that they’d rather daddy was here than you because they MISS HIM. That’s the trouble with girls. They always prefer their fathers. Gah.

22.02 Fifty Shades of Grey has an awful lot to answer for. I wonder how many of next week’s babies were conceived as a result of an evening in the red room of pain swinging from the rafters? On that note, I’m off to bed.