One Born Every Minute liveblog 20/2/2013

Boom! After seven weeks of singleton babies finally…FINALLY…we have a twin birth to look forward to tonight. Woo and, indeed, hoo.

Half-term here and we’re tag-teaming it. One works, one does R and G stuff. Tag, swap and repeat. So far the girls have been to a birthday party (of course!), the funfair, a playdate, the zoo, the park and a museum. Plans for the rest of the week are likely to involve a ride in the cable car, lunch out somewhere and another birthday party. Honestly, they do more in a week than most people do in an entire year.

Between all of this they’re drawing, making, writing, reading and demanding to play the Yes-No game at every opportunity. They have no concept of downtime or chilling. They’re go go go go sleep. Go go go go sleep. They do everything at 100 miles an hour at ear-splitting volume. It’s knackering. Wonderful, but knackering.

Still, I’d rather have that than two clingy, drippy, wet children with no personality or oomph. You know, the type that cry at birthday parties or if their parents leave their sight for a second, hate social occasions, freak out at children’s entertainers and wouldn’t say boo to a goose.

I’m still convinced there was a mix-up at the hospital five and a bit years ago.

With that in mind, I’ll be back at 9pm wittering on to myself as usual. Funz.

 

21.01 With my coursework (speech perception this week) and Candy Crush, it’s amazing I’m here at all. BRING ON THE TWINS!

21.04 Oh the swelling. I had feet like a hobbit. Slightly less hairy. They aren’t old parents around here. 39 and 41 is entirely normal. We’re the abnormal, young parents.

21.06 Ruth used to smack the pads. made a heck of a racket.

21.08 Sex education videos are meant to put you off having babies, not the other way round. Fail.

21.10 Twin pregnancy is not sexy at all. Some women really blossom and glow when they’re pregnant. I looked like a sack of shit. Well, slightly more than usual.

21.12 I liked knowing it was all planned and happening on a certain date. Took some of the pressure off, weirdly.

22.16 He’d get on with Ralph from series 2. They could have a three-way stat-off with Richard Osman from Pointless.

21.20. I hear ya, sista. C-section isn’t the easy option. Weirdly, I miss being monitored. It’s been more than five years. I should be over it by now.

21.23 ALL dads are embarrassing. It’s the law. Dad law.

21.35 I think her approach is extremely sensible. I intend to vet all of the girls’ dates. With a 50 page questionnaire.

21.37 I had blocked the memory of the tights out. Until now.

21.38 I have just wailed I MISS THEM BEING SMALL and had to mentally slap myself.

21.40 Or you bleed for ten weeks if you’re me. Urgh.

21.43 Oh, I’m finding this quite hard to watch. The operating theatre. The long walk to theatre wearing a hospital gown and a pair of tights. Making jokes and smiling whilst wishing you could run away. Oof.

21.51 Just realised that most dads go over and see the babies in theatre. Dh didn’t leave my side and the girls were brought over to him, one by one, Ruth first.

21.53 The girls would be brilliant big sisters. In a way it’s a shame they won’t get to experience it, but what’s done is done.

21.59 Having a baby is a decision you make with your heart and your gut. It’s not a rational decision. I don’t think it is, (or should be) anyway.

22.04 Anyway….back to cognitive psychology and singleton babies next week. See? Twin c-sections can be lovely. Told you.

One Born Every Minute Liveblog – multiple births special part 1

You think I’d pass up the opportunity to liveblog on a whole episode of OBEM on multiple births? You were wrong my friend. So wrong. From the preview, it looks like they aren’t going to profile any straightforward twin and triplet pregnancies. Get the tissues and gin ready and I’ll see you back here just before 9pm…

20.59pm. Hugely distracted by Great British Bake Off. Now turned over to C4 and poised ready for One Born…

21.02  ‘A wonderful surprise’. I’m sure I quite thought that when we found out I was having twins at my 12 week scan.

21.03 Sigh. Programmes like this make it sound like every multiple pregnancy is going to end in NICU, SCBU or death 😦 actually that’s far from the case.

21.06 I can’t believe the dad is peeking over the curtain. There’s no way Dh would have done that. He just stared at me, clutching my hand, white as a sheet.

21.07. Oh no. Poor Freddie 😦

21.12 Twin To Twin Transfusion Syndrome can happen, but is relatively rare. It depends on when the egg splits. R and G were in separate sacs – a ‘Di-Di’ pregnancy, which made us ‘High risk low risk’ – high risk because it was a twin pregnancy, but low risk because they were in separate sacs, etc.

21.22 Just said in a FB discussion that i wish the programme would provide stats on complicated v straightforward twin pregnancies. If I’d watched this programme 5 years ago when I was 6 months pregnant with twins I would have convinced myself that R and G were going to die at any moment, when in actual fact they were perfectly fine.

21.34 This programme reinforces how lucky we were with R and G. We conceived naturally very quickly and didn’t need the intervention that we had expected as a result of my medical ‘ishoos’. I had a (mostly) straightforward pregnancy (all the crap stuff happened to me, not them) and they went to term for a singleton baby, two weeks beyond a ‘typical’ twin birth. They were both of good singleton baby size and we got to take them home two days after I gave birth. We were bloody lucky.

21.44 I don’t have even the remotest hint of broody feelings these days but the twin girls in the buggy, wrapped in blankets, arms thrown above their heads in tiny, perfect sleep poses reminded me so much of R and G.

21.46 There’s so much of this that I can’t comment on because I have no experience. You know what? I’m glad and grateful I don’t know what it’s like.

21.48 In other news, the Magic advert that contains the mashup of Queen and Bruno Mars makes we want to put my foot through the TV.

21.56 I love it when a newborn baby freshly yanked from the womb cries. R and G were bloody FURIOUS about their enforced evacuation.

22.00 Mostly happy endings there, aside from one. It was very hard for me to comment on any of that because it’s so removed from our experience.

One Born Every Minute liveblog 15/2/2012

It’s TWINS this week on One Born. Multiple births on television tend to fall into two categories:

1. Something VERY VERY BAD happens and all of us twin parents that have happy healthy twins feel sad and guilty for ever shouting at them.

2. A poor hapless woman has triplets…quads…sextuplets and the voiceover yells LOOK AT HOW HARD THIS IS! LOOK!

Oh! Speaking of shouty voiceovers (which One Born thankfully doesn’t have. Imagine if it was done by the sarcastic guy from Come Dine with Me. It might go a bit like this: ‘Oooh a lickle bit of pain YOU MASSIVE CHAV?!’) there is a third type of multiple birth depicted on television:

3. ROLL UP! ROLL UP! The LOOK! LOOK AT THE FREAKS THAT LOOK EXACTLY THE SAME! LETS GET THE SCIENCE BEHIND MULTIPLE PREGNANCIES TOTALLY WRONG AND PAINT AT THE FREAKS! These programmes always include a lady of advancing years tutting while two or three identically dressed children wreak havoc in a supermarket. Always.

I think I might find tonight’s programme….cathartic. There’s probably another birth story as well but lets face it, I’m probably going to talk about the twin birth whilst mainlining Hotel Chocolat kirsch cherries and wearing my stained ‘Been there, done that’ t-shirt.

See you back here just before 9pm!

20.56 Posh pie boys have been replaced by hapless men attempting to work in a nursery. Relieved that Dh is a hands-on dad. Think some of the blokes on here were actually born in the 1930s. Bizarre.

21.03 That must be so weird. One of your colleagues is going to see you panting, swearing, screaming, pooing, weeing and totally naked.Oh and blood. Lots of blood. And a baby.

21.06 Is it me, or have they put her in a really, really nice delivery suite? Midwife perk?

21.07 TWINS! Girl and a boy! Older children as well. Brave, but live-in babysitters I guess.

21.08 10 years younger! Well played girlie!

21.09 She’s teeny tiny. No wonder one of the babies is a bit small. No room in there! Ah. I remember the double heartbeat monitor. I was monitored so much towards the end of my pregnancy that the Unit gave me some yellow straps to bring in with me. Probably still got them somewhere.

21.11 The whole birthing Twin 2 thing really freaked me out. R solved the conundrum for me by taking up residence across my stomach which  = c section. I imagine she did this to irritate G and give her much less room to manoerve. It would also explain my amazing moving stomach as they punched and kicked each other :/ I tried to explain this to R and G today and showed them the picture of my heavily pregnant stomach. I get the impression they think that I’m lying and that they just appeared, fully formed as walking, talking children.

21.15 Love the description of the incubator as a massive toaster.

21.19 Bang goes the birth plan. My birth plan was a big, blank page. If I’d thought about it I would’ve put a huge black question mark in the middle of the page, surrounded by smaller question marks and the following sentence at the very bottom of the page: ‘I want to healthy babies and I don’t care how much shit I have to go through to get them. Let them have the easy ride. I’ll take the hit’.

21.26 It’s really interesting that midwives with bags of experience can really lose it when going through childbirth themselves. It’s one of those situations where you can know all of the theory and help other people go through it but it’s totally different when it’s your body and your pain.

21.28 The thought of anyone manually moving R without her express prior permission is utterly unthinkable. She wouldn’t have stood for it. They were both cross enough when they were forcibly evicted through the sunroof.

21.30 I have re-thought my birth plan. I would just have written, in big red letters GIVE ME THE DRUGS.

21.37 ‘It’s a small baby…you’ve done this twice before… (I think that was a polite way of saying ‘So you’ve got some stretch down there’)

21.38 Mmmmm. Diamorphine. *air punch* (it made me blissed out but also very vommy)

21.42 IT’S A BABY’S HEAD! <plinky plonky birth music> I love a cross newborn baby. Newborn babies are so scrunchy and angry.

21.47 Twin 2 is always the pesky twin. Follows through into childhood as well.

21.49 The thing about twin births is the 54 people you have to have in the room with you, all looking at your nethers.

21.50 THE WISE OLD ELF IS DELIVERING TWIN 2! (Ben and Holly fans will understand this update)

21.52 All together now. Aaaaaaaaah.

21.53 4lb2oz and 4lb13oz. Tiddly but lovely. However, in twin birth Top Trumps, I win with 6lb5oz and 6lb7oz. Yay me. *hi-5’s self*

21.56 I love watching Dh watch the heads pop out. Flinches every time.

21.59 See? Even that Dad cried and he’s not a crier.We were fretting about the swelled head on Rose from our sofa. Guess that’s where she rotated in the birth canal? She seemed fine afterwards.

Aw, well that was just lovely. A nice twin birth and a nice singleton birth with very little drama this week. Shows that not all twin births are awful nightmares and that midwives go to pieces during their own labour and are therefore human after all…

Next week: I always hope that men who really want sons get daughters to teach them a lesson. On that note I bid you good night!