Interview with dh – deleted scenes

This is the very final part of my Interview with Dh series. When I transcribed the original interviews I noticed that I’d forgotten to ask him a few questions and that other things came up as a result of the first interview. I sat him down with a gin and tonic and recorded the conversation… (p.s. the stuff about boys is his opinion, not mine so you can shoot him if you want to…)

This is the deleted scenes – the extras – the out-takes, if you will. I’m hoping to put the interviews on the blog as an audio file at some point but for now a written transcript will have to do:

Me: Do you ever wish we’d had a boy?

Dh: No. Initially I would’ve liked boys but now I’m really pleased we’ve got girls. Boys are more naughty aren’t they? At this stage at least. More mischievous, especially twin boys. The girls are quite naughty… We’d thought of boys names and didn’t have boys names when we found out. We didn’t get a Tom and a Lewis.

I didn’t get my Freya either.

I really didn’t like Freya.

How do you feel about your wife writing a blog?

I quite like it. I always read it. It often makes me laugh. I know it helps you to talk about things as well. You don’t talk about me very much. It’s always based around the children.

It’s one of my rules. I don’t discuss you with my friends in ‘real life’ so I’m not going to do that on the Internet either. I really like our relationship and I think it should be kept as private as we can keep it. I hope everyone knows how much we love each other but it’s between us. I’ll happily discuss how weird I am but I won’t talk about you and I.

It’s your blog so you talk about what you want. I’m happy with what you write.  I know other people like reading it as well, so it obviously strikes a chord with them.

It’s always going to have quite a niche appeal I think.

I don’t know how many random people that don’t know us read it. Don’t you check your pageviews? It’s quite a lot isn’t it?

The other thing I wanted to talk about was our YouTube sensation. How many views are we up to now?

I checked today actually and it was 320,000 views. It’s just the girls in their playpen [about 8 months old] laughing and making noises at each other. It’s like they’re talking to each other but they aren’t. It’s made £18 in adverts this month so far [on the 16th of the month]. It’s made us £12-15 per month in ad revenue over the last few months.

We posted it up in August 2008 and no-one looked at it really. In the last 3-4 months it’s shot up from 20 views to over 300,000 views. It’s linked to a video that’s had millions of views, of the twin boys wearing nappies in the kitchen.

You can click on the stats for our video and most people discover our video through that one. It’s all through over twin videos. It’s amazing how quickly it’s gone up. I tried adding another video but no-one’s looked at it!

You say that the girls’ generation is the most videoed and photographed generation ever. Their legacy [of content] is going to be enormous.

My Mum sent me some photos to print out for My Dad’s 65th birthday and he’s got 10-20 photos of himself as a kid in total. We take 100 photos of the girls a month, often more. I love all the little videos of them doing stuff as well, especially now they’re chatting and you can hear their voices. It’s amazing…not just how much you record but the fact that it’s online so our parents can look at it and it’s updated pretty often, at least once a month.

How do you think the children will feel when they’re old enough to realise that I wrote about them?

It’s hard to know how they’ll react.

I have thought that maybe I should stop writing it when the hit their fifth birthday but I don’t know…

You were saying that you quite like reading blogs and form posts about teenagers but I guess that’s in secret and they probably don’t know. You don’t have to stop. There’s no need to.

I go through phases of wanting to stop. Especially if I’ve written something and someone has got really hacked off with me.

If you don’t like it, don’t read it! Equally there are people out there that love it.

I have my cheerleaders – two of them! Do you feel that you can offer advice to people now?

I don’t like to. If people ask I will but equally I don’t want to say too much. I’ll give my opinion but every baby is different so I can’t say ‘Oh you should do this…’ Instead I say ‘We did this and it worked..’. There are people that don’t necessarily agree with what we did…

…but they’re wrong!!

How did you feel when I was really involved with that parenting website?

I quite liked the website. It was really useful but there are some strange people on the forums.

I even met some of them!

Yes. Some were fine and some…weren’t…

Some I thought were fine and turned out not to be, which was quite painful. I don’t need it now.

It must be interesting to talk to other twin mums and see what they’re doing.

There are two sides. It connected me to other twin mums when I felt incredibly isolated. The flip side is that I beat myself up about silly things that didn’t matter, especially when I first went back to work, we were all weaning and they were producing beautiful home-cooked meals and purees and I tried to keep up. I judged myself against standards that were almost impossible to live up to. It also pushed me to be a better parent, or to try harder at least. Someone would post that they were deep-cleaning their cupboards and I would think ‘Oh my God! I must go and do that now! I’m a complete slob! It’s terrible and I’m disgusting’! There is more to life than deep-cleaning cupboards

I did find those websites useful to look up stuff, especially the paranoid stuff. The forums could be interesting but they were more haphazard. You had to filter through a lot of crap. I didn’t write anything or contact anyone.

You did once. You got set upon by several million hormonal women!

You get to the stage where you call someone a Nazi and it ends there! Are you still friends with any of them?

Yes. There are 3 or 4 I would regard as friends and the rest as good acquaintances and I’m not going to say who!

That’s fine though. If you meet 10 or 20 random people you will filter it down to the people you really like. It’s useful to know a few people in the same position as you.

I do find myself comparing though, and worrying if their children are doing something that mine aren’t. That’s probably just my competitive nature

Competitive parenting is such a big thing ‘Ooh they can write their name…they can write a sonnet…’

You’re very laid back about it all and I fret, especially in relation to the education stuff.

They’re 3!! There’s nothing they have to be doing at the moment. They should just be playing.

What do you think they’ll do when they grow up?

Ruth’s very serious. I think they’ll both go to university. I can see Grace doing drama classes, although I think she’s fairly typical of kids her age. I think Ruth’s more unusual in that she’s so aware of what people might think of her. She gets so embarrassed about things and worries about other people. I don’t know what Ruth’s going to do.

She’ll either channel all of this and be brilliant, or she’ll be incredibly frustrating and muck about at the back of the class.

She’s quite boisterous and likes being with older kids. She puts a lot less effort into doing things, but is good if she actually tries. She’s a bit of a Ronnie O’Sullivan character. Naturally clever, but can’t be arsed! I read an article where it said that you should praise the effort rather than the achievement and we try to do that, but it’s easy to praise something and say ‘Oh that’s good’. Especially when they’re small. They don’t really understand effort. I keep trying to explain to her that you have to practice to be good at things.

We’re going to look back on the last four years, and probably the next 14/15 years, when we get old and grey I think we’re going to be incredibly proud of what we did.

I hope so.

Do you think that having children is the hardest thing you’ve ever done?

I think it’s actually quite easy but because it’s every day for years and years it’s difficult. If you look at an average day it’s easy. You feed them, etc. It’s the pressure of doing it all the time…it’s strange to do such a simple thing but we have to do it permanently. It’s the fact that you don’t know what you’re doing. You have to make up your own rules and systems.

It’s like having a piece of flat-pack furniture and not having any instructions or any idea what it’s for.

There’s no way of changing that. People can tell you what it’s like but it doesn’t actually help. That’s why I don’t like to give advice. It’s going to be hard and you have to work it out for yourself.

The thing that struck me about the transcript of the interview we did was that you sounded quite down. There was a lot of stuff about your lack of quiet time, it was hard work, they had a lot of tantrums, you were shouting at them and a lot of it was really downbeat and I felt quite sad.

I’m not sad overall. It’s hard work. I’m happy with the way it’s worked out now. Maybe not initially. It should get easier as they get older. I think it’s the same for everyone.

We chose it. It’s not like we were forced to have them.

I wouldn’t change it, no matter how hard it is. I didn’t mean to sound so down about them. I don’t think many people enjoy having babies to look after. They’re much more fun now. I love taking them out now that they can understand things, like going to the zoo – asking and answering questions.

They love you in a very unconditional way and equally you love them unconditionally. If they were a partner you would have kicked them out years ago! That’s the paradox of parenting.

I watched an episode of Top Gear where they do a silly challenge with rubbish cars [that’s pretty much every episode then] and end up falling in love with them. Jeremy Clarkson said that it’s a bit like a toddler – most of the time they’re quite annoying but if someone tried to take it away you’d kill them. You can be really annoyed with them but if they ran into the road or hurt themselves you’d worry about them. I love them really.

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House of Twins – Q&A

So, for the benefit of any new readers and for any regulars that would like a refresher, here’s a House of Twins Q&A:

What is HoT?

I started blogging back in January 2008 on a Sunday afternoon when my five week old twin girls were sleeping between feeds and I felt like I was losing my mind. Initially it lived on a website called Babycentre, which I joined when I was pregnant. Then I moved it over to Blog.co.uk in April 2008 where it became House of Twins, or HoT for brevity.

Why write yet another boring blog about babies?

There are about twenty zillion parenting blogs out there. Many of them are shite. I’m sorry, but they are. Most are started in the first flush of pregnancy in that ‘I’m the first person to have a BAYBEE ever. Aren’t I AMAAAAZING?’ phase that only first-time expectant parents go through and list amazing achievements like ‘My baby is SMILING and it is only EIGHT weeks old. I have birthed a GENIUS’! Actually, some of my posts are a bit like that but I try to rein it in, promise. I always aimed to offer a slightly different take on things.

I actually wanted to be honest about parenting. Specifically, the difficulties associated with parenting twins. Many blogs fall into the trap of presenting a rose-tinted view of having babies and I wanted to tell people the truth. Yes, some bits are brilliant but there are also phases where everything is just horrible. I love my girls, my goodness I love them to bits but there have been many, many occasions in the last two years and eight months when I have fantasised about walking out of my house and running off to Peru. Through writing HoT I found out that this was absolutely normal.

I talk about the stuff that other people are afraid to tell you, like the horrors of pregnancy, the reality of giving birth, how debilitating sleepless nights really are, the agonies of: weaning, controlled crying, routines, potty traning; and the really nasty stuff like anxiety and depression and baby poo. I also wanted to put a vaguely humorous slant on all this stuff so as not to put off anyone that might be thinking of having babies!

I try to balance this out with cool stuff though,  like being told that your twins are non-identical and finding out when they are thirteen months old that they are actually genetically identical and feeling like a fool; becoming a (minor) local celebrity; the joys of witnessing the interactions of twins; gloating over their achievements; watching them grow up into little people and think that maybe, just maybe, I might not be quite as bad at this parenting lark as I often (and by often I mean every single day) think I am.

How do I find the time to write HoT?

Simple answer: I don’t. It used to be easier when the girls napped during the day but now I just about manage to dash on and write a post in the evening after putting the girls to bed, spending some time with DH (Darling Husband) in case you’re wondering, working (oh yeah, I work full time as well), having a (limited) social life and keeping up with current affairs like X Factor and Supersizers…

This is actually good news for you. Subscribing to and reading HoT is not going to take up hours of your time. I usually manage to write a dozen posts a month (sometimes less, sometimes more) so it’s a fairly limited investment.

Is there anything you don’t talk about?

1. I won’t refer to anyone by their full name – occasionally R and G will be referred to by their proper names – but all of the adults, and the children that don’t belong to me are referred to by first initial only
2. I won’t whinge about dh. I have never been a ‘Sex and the City’ type woman that sits with her ‘girlfriends’ and discusses intimate details of relationships and I’ve carried that practice over to my blog. My relationship with dh is private and I choose to keep it that way.
3. I won’t slag off people I know in ‘real life’ – if you’re looking for soap-style whingeing about family and friends, you won’t find it here. There have been MANY occasions when I have had a bad day, wanted to write a spleen-venting blog about someone and had to physically restrain myself from typing out something nasty and pressing ‘submit’. From time to time a real life person tells me they have been mortally offended by something I have written that they felt was directed at them. I can honestly tell them it wasn’t.
4. I won’t tell you what I had for breakfast. Honestly, who cares?

Aren’t your children going to hate you when they are old enough to read this?

Probably. They’ll hate me anyway so I may as well give them good reason…