One Born Every Minute liveblog 13/2/2013

So we’re halfway through Series 4 of One Born and tonight’s episode promises…well, it’s bumps, blood, bums, boobs and babies isn’t it? It’s hardly Portland Babies, where’s it’s all floaty and fabulous Isabella Oliver, the consultants all look like Hugh Jackman and there’s a wine menu and foie gras for breakfast. The dad that’s sort-of involved but won’t be at the birth is already pushing my over-active Jeremy Kyle anger-button so I should have worked up a good head of steam by 9pm.

Meanwhile I’m doing battle with perception in cognitive psychology this week. I have just got back from R and G’s parents’ evening with a warm glow in my heart and a spring in my step (maybe we’re not so shit at this parenting lark after all) and it’s Valentine’s Day tomorrow, so Dh has been furtively hiding things and being odd. Well, only slightly more than usual.

As Sherlock said in A Scandal in Belgravia whilst at The Palace in the buff: LATERZ!

20.57 OCD cleaners *boak*

21.04 Jonathan has EXCELLENT hair.

21.05 I’m amazed that some girls get pregnant at all when they don’t know which hole does what, how things expand, etc. having said that, I thought I could wear knickers during my c-section so I’m hardly one to judge.

21.07 Facebook has a lot to answer for. He’s the hairy baby maker cf. Father Ted, Speed 3.

21.10 listening to the ‘gallop’ is so comforting. I got really addicted to being monitored and used to count down the days/hours/minutes until I could hear R and G on the machines.

21.18 I like these people. I like plans. Poor Dh. He was planned to death. Me: “I’M OVULATING WE ARE HAVING AN EARLY NIGHT” Dh (scared) ‘Oh-Kay’. It prepared him for life with twin girls. Now they order him about too.

21.23 mind you, he was only subjected to two months of me ordering him to bed. I think he would have liked it for a bit longer but THE PLAN worked. mwahahahaha

21.24 Kyle-alert activated. Why isn’t the baby’s dad at the birth if he wants to be involved and supportive? I do not compute this. It makes no sense to me. I’m sure there are plenty of women that don’t want to be at the birth of their own child, either.

21.30 I don’t want to become a grandma. Not until R and G are at least 27, anyway.

21.41 ‘Ooh she is ginger’ Esmay. Not Esme. Esmay. Twilight has a lot to answer for.

21.47 it’s a good job that midwives are good at navigating women’s bodies as they’re evidently shit at geography.

21.52 OMG the giving birth over the phone advice is amazing.

21.54 Similar level of pain in waxing and giving birth, I would imagine BECAUSE I DON’T ACTUALLY KNOW ABOUT EITHER.

21.59 YEEEEEEEES! TWINS NEXT WEEK!!! Yeah! Look at the bump on THAT.

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