One Born Every Minute liveblog 23/1/2013

Back once again with the ill behavior, it’s One Born liveblog time again. Episode 4 promises two sets of young parents to be with a focus on the dads this week.

I haven’t watched any more Downton. I can’t. I just can’t do it to myself. R and G are 11 days into a complete TV ban (they *might* get their TV privileges back on Friday) to see if they can learn to play better by themselves without input/crowd control by Dh and/or I every five minutes. Dh and I always play nicely together so we’re allowed to watch the highlights of the Tour Down Under on V+ when the girls are in bed.

I have submitted the Fresher’s module to start my course and I start the first module proper – cognitive psychology – next week. The core book for the course arrived today. I’m thinking of popping it under my pillow so the information seeps into my brain while I sleep. What? It worked when I was doing my A-Levels. Except the Law one where the notes clearly slipped under the bed in the night and I forgot everything. Luckily I’m fine about it. Fine. It was 15 years ago after all.

Anyway, liveblog. Later. *mainlines kitkat chunky*

20.59 Oof. Just as the TdU highlights got exciting I realised it was One Born time. Boy, that Kit Kat was gooooood.

21.04 Is this part of the ‘Northern people are odd’ section? As a Southerner, I’m all lovehearts and fluffy wickle bunnies.

21.08 Loads of boys this series. Is nature balancing out the baby boom of girls born in 2007-8?

21.16 If Cristiano Ronaldo and Juan Pablo Montoya had a child, it would be this lad. With a handycam.

21.18 If they don’t express affection HOW DID THEY MANAGE TO CONCEIVE A CHILD? Was the deed done doggy style, watching Match of the Day, no cuddling afterwards?

21.20 I love the name Maud. And Elspeth. And Celia. Very Mitford-esque. I’m not a Hon. I’m a pleb though 😦

21.21 Would they have called a girl Tia Maria? Pina Colada? Vodka Martini?

21.22 If he were a creature comforts claymatian, what animal would he be? I say sloth.

21.23 The Mexican girl reminds me of someone and it’s taken me 20 minutes to work it out. She looks like a complete cowbag that I used to work with. This one seems lovely though.

21.27 No dads are cool. It’s dad law. Your child gets to a certain age and you become the most embarrassing person on the planet. Trying to be with it and cool is actually worse than being weird. I fully aim to be both.

21.38 Fuck the birth plan. Babies tend to make their own decisions. It sets you up for parenthood.

21.45 Oh you SO don’t want a picture from that angle.

21.47 So the other day I met a family who’d done the thing I always wondered about. They had twins and had a third child a couple of years later. The dad really didn’t want another child. The mum did. The twins were Gina Ford-ed to within an inch of their lives, c-section, only breastfed for a few weeks. The third child was a natural birth, co-slept forever, bf-d until he was 17 months old… she said she wanted to have a singleton to see what it was like and to bond with him in a way that she couldn’t with the twins. I admired her for doing it    but I’m so glad we didn’t act on my urges a couple of years ago (It’s academic anyway but you know what I mean). We were meant to stop after R and G.

21.52 He’s a pretty cool dad.

21.56 The words ‘You need a little cut’ make my bits curl up and go a bit shrivelly. Ouchy.

21.58 I love it when grown men cry. Honestly. Especially the ones that don’t look like the would cry at anything, ever.

22.00 It’s very kind of Channel 4 to offer us the chance to watch more birthing videos but I’m ok, thanks. My need to see people shit, bleed and squezze babies out of their chuffs is sated after an hour of One Born, but thanks anyway.

22.02 In any case, I need bigger thrills these days. I need multiple births, twins, triplets, give me some FREAKING QUADS! I want people on their eleventh child, I want planned sections, I want bovine women, I want freaked out men. I’m a One Born junkie and I can’t control myself.

22.05 I can control myself. Until next week, comrades. *salutes*

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