One Born Every Minute liveblog 2/1/2013

I’m blaming Dh for this (if anyone ever wrote about him he’d be described as ‘Long-suffering’.) I was all set to give the liveblogging thing up along with the rest of the HoT enterprise but I mentioned that a new series of One Born was starting tonight, he asked if I was going to do my usual and looked a bit surprised and pouty when I said no. Then he casually threw in the whole ‘Don’t you get loads of page views and visitors when you do it…?’ thing and my competitive nature kicked in.

I’m starting a distance learning course in psychology at the end of the month so most of my evenings will be taken up with studying but for an hour a week, on a Wednesday I’ll try and do the liveblog thing. I suppose a study of people giving birth could be called psychological¬†research, yes?

The blurb on the Channel 4 website states that tonight’s episode includes the usual two couples: one with lots of false starts and one with natural birth and active labour. I’d like to say that I won’t write anything in a ‘comedy’ Northern accent but I can’t promise that and I need to use up some cheese from Christmas so I might be in a stilton-induced fug later.

Be back here at 9pm or be the Australian Olympics team at London 2012 *loserface*

20.56pm. Evening! Gok Wan has stolen the format of one of my favourite ever tv shows ‘Would Like to Meet’. It was on BBC about 8 years ago and I loved it. Gok is a shameless hussy and I love him.

21.01 Buckle in lads. “Every minute…of every hour….of every day….”

21.02 there’s always some dick that blows up a surgical glove and thinks it’s the funniest thing EVAH.

21.11 Ok, confession time. I struggle with the whole ‘I want a natural birth because that’s how it should be done’ mindset because I always want to reply: ‘I’d rather have a live, healthy baby thanks to intervention rather than a sick or dead baby because I insisted on a ‘natural’ birth that went wrong’. Yes,hundreds of years ago all births were natural but women generally gave birth to a lot more children and more of them died in childbirth or in early childhood. If a natural birth works for you: great. If it doesn’t, you shouldn’t feel like a failure. **RANT OVER**


21.15 In a slightly alarming role-reversal, Dh has just said ‘Big guns’. That’s MY line.

21.16 Sod the diamonds and handbags. I got an iPod after I gave birth to R and G. Much more useful.

21.17 There are three couples tonight (I think) and apparently this guy looks like a fat Frankie Boyle.

21.20 Oh no. I don’t like this ‘car on way to hospital bit’. Makes it all seem really staged.

21.22 ‘I want a natural birth’ rapidly becomes ‘GIVE ME THE DRUGS’ with the most vociferous natural birthers, doesn’t it? *smugface*

21.24 The word speculum makes my insides curl up and die. Bad experiences when pregnant. Bad, bad experiences *hears chopper overhead, imagines ‘Nam flashbacks*

21.29 If, as Beyonce sang, you like it you should put a ring on it. Maliyah was teeny. V cute, but teeny.

21.34 This dad to be has the beard-hair combo of a man that has a technicolour dreamcoat in is wardrobe AH-AH-AHHHH.

21.36 Or Matt Berry.

21.42 “She did some chanting, yeah”. So going in the midwife book of birthing anecdotes.

21.47 I am actually yelling IT’S THE BLACK BUTTON YOU HIPPY at the telly. I knew the chutney was a bad idea.

21.54 I love the WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME YOU FREAKS face and cry that newborn babies do. They look so cross.

21.59 You just hope that when the dad has had a colourful past and says lots of good things about meeting someone that changes them and that they’ll bring a baby up right…you just hope that they deliver on everything they say.

22.01 That felt like quite a low-key opener to the series. Three reasonably straightforward births, three nice names (for a change), very little drama (c-section aside.) During the preview of next weeks’ show, where the mum of a prospective mum said she’d take the pain away in a heartbeat, I commented to Dh that I’d actually like the girls to suffer a bit, especially G if she gets knocked up by Dappy. I’ll be there cackling “THAT’LL LEARN YOU GIRL! THIS IS FOR THE TIMES YOU PEED ON THE FLOOR WHEN YOU WERE TWO AND IN A MOOD WITH ME. TAKE THAT!”.

I’m a horrible mother. See you next week.


2 thoughts on “One Born Every Minute liveblog 2/1/2013

  1. Pingback: Fin. Presque. | House of Twins 2.0

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