One Born Every Minute liveblog 14/3/2012

Episode 11 tonight. I broke one of my Lenten vows this morning. After 22 days I cracked and was unbelievably sarcastic about whingeing over the Starbucks name thing. I mean come on! It’s the ultimate First World Problem. ‘Ooh I don’t want a SERVANT knowing my NAME’. It’s simple. If you don’t like the policy, buy your coffee elsewhere. It’s not bloody rocket science.

As Wildchild once said, I’m back once again with the ill behaviour (the ill behaviour, the ill behaviour) and the Renegade Master of the below the belt sarcastic comment is firmly back in da room (I’m so down with the kidz).

However, I shall endeavour to rein it in for tonight’s One Born which, from the preview, sounds rather sweet. it’s all about FAAAAMILY this week. Or, as it’s set in Leeds, FAMILEH. It features Mormons and (former) wrong ‘uns and I’ll be back at 9pm to witter pointlessly about it….

20.59 Back. Bathed, plucked and nails almost painted. Trying not to dribble Barry M on the laptop. To clarify: that’s my vail varnish, not a Chuckle Brother or a Big Bad Fish.

21.02 I feel I should warn you…for the first time this series I have a glass of Pinot Grigio to hand, which may affect my comments over the next hour…

21.04 Eh? *syringes ears*

21.06 With the ‘I was horrified and didn’t think he could provide for her’ comment I think she speaks for all Mums. Everywhere.

21.07 *pops professional hat on* It’s lovely to see a foster mum and daughter with such a strong relationship. It proves that, with the right match, the process can work really well *takes professional hat off*

21.09 Whenever I hear the word Mormon I remember Dave Gorman’s rant in his book America Unchained about the fact that it’s basically a totally made-up 19th century invention, by some random bloke who was delivered some scriptures but conveniently couldn’t find them afterwards…or something like that. Read the book. It’s really good.

21.12 If you screw your eyes up a bit…ok, a lot…Mel and James look a bit like January Jones and Nicholas Hoult. I did say ‘a lot’.

21.18 I can’t understand a word that James is saying. Is it just me?

21.19 Now I’ve got the Mormon thing out of my system, Leah and Richard are really sweet.

21.21 I remember being asked that at school. I said I wanted to write books, marry a racing driver and live in Monaco. So I have achieved precisely NONE of those things.

21.22 Midwife reminds me of Olivia Colman as Harriet Schulenberg in Green Wing.

21.24 Midwife: “You’re 3-4 centimentres” Mel: “For FOOKS SAKE!”

21.27 You’d think being a midwife would put you off the idea of having your own babies but 6 times indicates not. FOOKIN’ ‘ELL.

21.31 Ooh. I really want that cupcake periodical thing with the cake stand, cutters and glitter. Ooh.

21.33 Singy-songy midwife is irritating lots of people on my Facebook newsfeed. She’s lovely but I’d find the voice a bit patronising if I was in the throes of labour.

21.35 YES! TAKE THE MORPHINE! BITE HER HAND OFF!

21.37 From 3 to 9 centimetres in an hour! Blimey!

21.39 If someone offered to put on a CD called Simply Karma in labour I’d punch them in the face. Actually, I’d probably do that if I wasn’t in labour.

21.43 I’m sure she’s lovely but if she was my midwife I’d be screaming SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP. SHUT UP.

21.49 A sexy advert for perfume isn’t going to work terribly well in a programme about giving birth…or maybe it is?

21.51 You think they would have discussed the name thing before she actually gave birth. RICHY isn’t a proper name. She should have played the I GAVE BIRTH card and called him Reuben or Jacob or any of the other names she suggested.

21.55 Good to see a young Dad fronting up and going into theatre. Often it’s the girls’ mum that accompanies her for the horrible bit.

21.57 9lb12oz Harvey is a chunky boy! No wonder it was a forceps delivery.

22.00 I want more multiple births and it looks like there aren’t going to be any more this series. Oh well. Next week’s episode looks really good. Aren’t they all?

I’m off to catch up on last night’s Gypsy Weddings. Toodles!

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8 thoughts on “One Born Every Minute liveblog 14/3/2012

  1. 3-4cms hurts like hell Jo believe me LOL. However, after an epidural, one can read a book and everything! (speaking from experience).

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