One Born Every Minute liveblog 22/2/2012

Evening All! HoT Just checked the preview for this week’s episode and it’s going to be a bit of a tear-jerker, with (hopefully) happy endings all round. We’re back to single babies this week and I have given up being annoyed with people for Lent. I am also trying to give up sarcasm but suspect I may need to go on a 12-step programme to cleanse myself of that particular affliction.

Anyway, the new, improved, nicer version of me will be back here at 9pm!

20.54 Daddy Daycare. I know the point of this to demonstrate that the most useless of men can find their inner hands-on father but I wouldn’t have procreated with a man that told me that he didn’t want to change nappies or read stories. Maybe it’s just me.

21.01 Eyes down for a full house of BAY-BEHs!

21.04 Elective sections are really relaxed. It’s like checking into a hotel, except there’s a cabinet full of drugs instead of a minibar. Maybe it depends on the hotels you’re used to.

21.06 If Dh had started taking photos of me pre-section I would have punched him in the knackers

21.08 Dh has just said ‘Hope it’s ginger’. I can write that as I didn’t say it. Or think it.

21.09 Northern rugby. That’s tainting the child already. Hope it’s a girl and she supports Harlequins.

21.11 I can’t even begin to imagine what it must be like to lose a child. Moreover, I don’t want to imagine it.

21.16 PrAline. PrAline. Just go to Hotel Chocolat and buy a job lot of Billionaire Shortbread chocs and have done with it.

21.20 I love the banter between the midwives. So typical of any workplace. Little intimacies about total bollocks.

21.21 I do wonder if I would have had my Mum at the birth (as well as Dh) if I’d had a vaginal delivery. I suspect I would have done. She’s probably very grateful that I had a section!

21.24 R, my transverse baby lost a highly competitive round of the Flowerpot Game against Dh and G this afternoon. She was so furious that she’d lost that she chucked one of the game pieces at G’s head. She reguarly throws the Guess Who board across the room when she loses to G. Transverse babies = awkward children.

21.27 Oh no! All that build up and the baby has engaged so she gets sent home, still pregnant. All that anticipation and excitement for nothing.

21.29 How do the Mums in labour manage to get any sleep when they’re fully dilated? I’d be like PUSH! PUSH! COME ON! GET ON WITH IT! I’d be totally wired and ready for action. I don’t really do relaxation.

21.38 The more birthing programmes I see, the more convinced I become that it’s not fair to put a mother and baby through a traumatic birth experience if they are already having problems. Why keep pushing (I know) for a vaginal birth when a section would be quicker? I know this isn’t a popular or PC view, but the main objective is to get a healthy baby and mum, surely?

21.42 I still can’t believe I went through that. I remember the ‘rummaging’ sensation so well.

21.43 A GIRL! *airpunch* You’ll learn, son. You’ll learn. I can’t believe he announced the baby had a cracking pair of bollocks and looked gutted when the midwife gently told him it was a girl.

21.49 FAAAAAITH. F-A-I-T-H. FAAAAITH. It’s a lovely name, actually.

21.51 He suits his sleeve tattoos. They really work on some men and on others…they don’t.


21.57 *Breathes again*

22.00 Quite traumatic viewing tonight, but with a happy ending thankfully. Dear Channel 4, can we have a couple of nice straightforward births next week please? Ta!


5 thoughts on “One Born Every Minute liveblog 22/2/2012

  1. I love watching the dads on this programme. It makes me realise that my dh was pretty normal with his constant need to touch all the equipment and insult me whilst I was in pain.

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