Tonight we’re promised an expectant mother with a specially made birthing outfit and…well that’s as far as I felt I needed to go for now…See you back here, bright eyed and bushy-tailed, at 9pm!
20.57 I am actually bright eyed- just done my eyebrows. Ow. 4HD fired up and ready and currently showing two posh boys making food and FIREMEN! FIREMEN ALERT! AWOOGA! AWOOGA!
21.00 Sorry…terribly distracted there. They weren’t all that, to be honest. Right. Eyes down for a full house…
21.03 ‘Uncomfortable’. That’s the polite term for describing labour…As I didn’t go into labour, I don’t actually know but the Braxton Hicks were bad enough and they’re just the aperetif before the main course that is labour. Apparently.
21.06 Is it me or…is it me? Heels in the labour ward…interesting. Obviously not suffering from swollen feet then. I had massive swollen ankles and feet. I looked like a hobbit without the hair. Actually, I may have been hairy. I couldn’t see over the 54 inch bump. Dh had to put my trainers on for me.
21.11 The young man with the interesting hair is causing a LOT of debate on my Facebook news feed.
21.13 Egypt has a big river doesn’t it?
21.14 Hugh’s Three Hungry Boys. Innuendo all over the shop tonight.
21.16 I had two wriggly babies. R and G both used to bat the pads when their heartbeats were being monitored. It was as if they were saying SOD OFF! WE’RE FINE! STOP WORRYING!
21.20 Sensible advice there. If you had a traumatic birth first time round you can’t necessarily make up for it second time round. I do wonder if people have more babies to get the mythical ‘perfect birthing experience’.
21.21 THE BIRTHING OUTFIT! ALERT! ALERT!
21.22 PULL YOUR TROUSERS UP YOUNG MAN! GAH!
21.23 Is this the OBEM tipping point? Three series in, couples now know what to expect when they sign up for the show, and seem to be preparing for stardom in a way that the people in Series 1 didn’t.
21.30 Bloke With Interesting Hair is actually a really good little birth partner. Really supportive and encouraging. Also calm, which helps.
21.32 Heather is a star. Despite the birthing outfit. Water births look rather lovely.
21.37 Meanwhile…midwives must get bought so many presents. I wonder how many people name their child after their midwife? My midwife on the big day was called Matilda. In a morphine-induced state I thought it might be nice to change G’s middle name to Matilda. When the drugs wore off I went back to Harriet.
21.42 Is that really an epidural or have they stuck a tranquiliser dart in her arse?
21.43 PCOS. Polycystic Ovaries. Been there. Not the full PCOS, thankfully but know the drill.
21.46 Have just found myself pushing downwards in sync with Kerry. Of course that’ll help…
21.53 They blanked out the bits. Do they normally blank the bits out?
21.54 9lb12oz! Renee was so calm as well. Amazing.
21.59 Ok. I’m in love with Heather. Hair straightners straight after labour. I desperately wanted to take mine into hospital but common sense prevailed.
22.00 Next week – pelvic exercises dears. Get that pelvic floor as tight as a…
Did they not say what any of the babies were called? OBEM on Facebook has the answer: Jamie, Darcy Grace and Elvissa.
Muchos fun. See you same bat time, same bat place, next week….