The One Born Every Minute live blogging experiment

I’m a teeny tiny bit obsessed with One Born Every Minute, which is currently on Channel 4 on Monday nights at 9pm. It provokes a range of reactions from me: anger, excitement, fear, laughter and sobbing like a total wuss. I laugh, I cry, I have flashbacks to pregnancy and the birth of R and G.

Tonight, for one night only I’m going to blog on an episode. Live, uninterrupted and only slightly lubricated by a glass of wine.

Join me here at 9pm as I write stuff IN CAPITAL LETTERS, rant and maybe even get a bit emotional. I’ll be updating this post whenever I think of something to write…

21.00 – Every minute…of every hour…of every day….

Ralph! I loved Ralph. He was odd. I like odd.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH HER TEETH?! Aren’t they both about 10 years old? He seems quite grown-up actually.

I was 27 when I gave birth to R and G. I remember their optimism. We were  like that…once…

Birth plan schmirth plan. Gas and air and a water birth? She’ll be begging for an epidural, you mark my words. Cynical? Moi?

Dh thinks the bike thing is cool. I think it’s MENTAL.

Pause for an ad break. I’m a crabby old bat until they’re obviously in pain and actually giving birth. At that point I alternate between wincing and crying.

Oh, I love the chief midwife. She’s the dictionary definition of the perfect midwife. Cool, calm, reassuring and with a lovely soft accent.

Told you she’d have an epi. Bluebell? Jesus wept.

FIVE? FIVE?! Why? Why?

“You’ve gotta be a man to produce a girl” said to father of 4 (soon to be 5) boys. Is she aiming for the full house of birthing experiences?

Turning the baby round manually sounds awful, like pulling the cork out of a bottle of wine with a corkscrew. Is there an argument that back to back babies that can’t be turned should be a c-section regardless? Especially as, if it ends up being a GA, the birth partner can’t be in theatre.

Ad break. The birth choices for ‘normal’ babies overwhelm me a bit. Having transverse twins removed every element of choice and doubt for us, but at least we had control over when and how birth happened. I still wonder what my pain threshold would be like with a vaginal birth. Not wondering enough to actually find out, mind…

I hate it when the babies don’t cry when they’re born. I was born with the cord wrapped around my neck and I was blue and floppy. I start breathing again when they cry for the first time.

I was so high on pure adrenaline/fear that I don’t remember the epidural hurting that much. I was expecting it to be a lot worse than it was. I was so busy chatting to the anesthetists and the zillions of student doctors in theatre that I barely noticed it going in!

Yeah. If it doesn’t get any easier, there’s no need for me to have any more. Like dh with his broken pipes would let me anyway… I’ll content myself with R and G, fish and guinea pigs…

They always play the plinky plonky music when a baby is born. God, newborn babies are adorable.

They ALL have blue eyes at birth you MORON! They change gradually in the first few months. Jeez, you’d think after five children she’d know this stuff.

Ok, so you’re dirt poor and can’t afford food but you smoke? FFS! Oh God, I sound like a raging Tory rather than the Socialist I really am but really!

I love watching the Dads(to be). Their faces change when the baby is born. Tears, yes but something else. Pure love, I think.

Next week – triplets. There’s something in my eye. Might have to do this again…


One thought on “The One Born Every Minute live blogging experiment

  1. Pingback: One Born Every Minute liveblog 4/1/2012 | House of Twins 2.0

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