Since 2007, every year without fail I go a bit wobbly in November. I don’t plan to do it, but without fail it happens. I don’t know whether it’s the clocks going back, the change in the seasons or the girls’ impending birthday but I have a mini crisis, which makes me irrational and prone to random outbursts of emotion (no change there, then…)
I find I now measure the year in milestones that revolve around R and G. 12th April: positive pregnancy test. 11th June: 1st scan, found out it was twins. 17th August: 2nd scan, found out we were having girls. 6th October: went on maternity leave. 12th December: birth date. I take a moment on the 12th of every month to marvel that the girls are a tiny bit older.
My first wobbler happened in November 2007. I had finished work a month before. I was hugely pregnant, miserable and suffering from severe cabin fever because I was so enormous I couldn’t leave the house without an escort and spent most of my time going backwards and forwards to the hospital for scans, check-ups and random appointments. The hospital waiting room was my social life. I went through that awful phase that all heavily pregnant women go though, where they heave themselves up, look down at their bump and decide that they are never, ever going to actually give birth. They’ll just have a bump that will grow larger and larger until it eventually eats them. Dh and I resolved this by going out for lunch a lot and shopping.
Every November since I’ve had a hissy fit of some description or other, mostly variations on my usual theme of I’M A F*****G USELESS PARENT. THE GIRLS DESERVE BETTER. WHY AM I SO RUBBISH AT THIS? WHY ISN’T IT GETTING ANY EASIER? Etc, etc, etc. By December I’m so caught up in the Advent, Birthday, Christmas thing that I barely pause for breath but I always find November hard.
Over the years, I’ve got better at recognising the signs and taking positive action during my November Wobbler. When I feel myself on the verge of losing it I do one (or more) of the following things:
1. Go for a long soak in the bath (if dh is home or the girls are in bed, of course)
2. Buy a trashy magazine go to my local Starbucks for a grande skinny hot chocolate, no cream and a cupcake for half an hour (ditto)
3. I’m taking a week off work (starts next Monday) so concentrate on preparations for December and to have some proper me, dh and me, the girls and me, and me and my Mum time. I’m generally pretty good at the whole juggling, working mum of twins thing but sometimes I need to concentrate on my non-work life.
None of this solves the November Wobbler but it at least makes it easier for everyone around me to deal with.